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offended
by Lewis McNeely on Wednesday, Jan 13th, 2010 at 03:53 pm
If there is one constant dysfunction among the Body of Christ, it is the ease at which many believers get offended. Look at the very word "off-ended". It's as if we allow other people's failures to knock us emotionally off balance.  The fact so many believers live offended and upset with others, leads me to believe most have never tapped into Proverbs 19:11: A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. (NIV.)

I believe if there is to be one defining trait of love common in all Christians, it should be that we are unoffendable. And I am not talking about toward sin. It should always offend us. I am speaking of being offended at people. I have spent the last 10 years of my life being extremely unoffendable. How do I do this?  Ultimately it only happens through healing and grace or Gods' ability working in you to overlook offense. There are also some practical steps we can practice to learn a new habit of being unoffendable:

1. Realize in most cases the offense is perceived rather than real. Think about the times you offended someone. Was it intention? Did you decide that day to hurt or offend that person? Most likely no.  In many cases the other person is usually not even aware they have offended you. Keep that in mind when an opportunity to offend comes. Rather than being offended cast it down with the belief that the other person probably did not mean to upset you.

2. Second, rather than wonder what they meant by their words or actions, take a moment before getting upset to ask them (in private if possible) what they mean by what they said or did. Don't say, "I AM OFFENDED AT YOU".  Try, "What you just said or did if I understood you correctly, has the potential to upset me. Can you explain it to me so I understand better?"  I believe in most cases this will give them the chance to reword or explain themselves in a less offending manner. Remember, if you do not ask them to fill in the blanks, your offense will allow the devil to. And that always produces strife and division.

3. If it's apparent that the words or actions are truly an offense that cannot be averted, simply choose to overlook the offense as the Proverb noted above says. Well I can't do that Lewis. They should know better than to say or behave that way. You are right they should. But they didn't. So, rather than suffer for their actions simply move past it in grace and let it go.   Now what if it should clearly be dealt with such as a racist or blatantly unkind remark?  Then go to my second point above. However, in certain instances such as with strangers or individuals not ready to hear you out, it's better to overlook and keep going.

The bottom line? If we want people to overlook our faults and offensiveness we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Keep in mind, especially with believers, that Isaiah 54 says under this New Covenant of Peace we have with Jesus that our Father in Heaven is not angry with them. So why should we be? He deals in mercy and grace. Should we behave any less loving?

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