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We had small group tonight at Rob Benton’s home. He always has the gift of hospitality and his house always seems so peaceful. We are finishing our Journey Book and also digging into The Sacred Romance book. Several of us were sharing about how criticism de-motivates us. Words have the power of life and death and the wrong kind of criticism can shut down a heart faster that any other kind of comment.
One thing I thought about tonight is how many people lump all criticism into one negative definition. Of course this negative kind of criticism is what we were referring to in our discussion. However we must be careful to understand there is both positive and negative criticism. When we lump all criticism into being something negative, we risk suffering false rejection as well as missing the real and blessed opportunity to have a growth moment in our lives.
Proverbs speaks many times of the wisdom of accepting constructive criticism. Pr. 12:15 A fool's way is right in his own eyes, but whoever listens to counsel is wise. One of my favorite sayings is correction is not rejection. So many times, we filter any type of corrective advice as saying that we are not accepted, that we are a failure in some area of our life. When someone, in love gives us constructive criticism, we should see that only as love and an opportunity to get better. My friend Dave Andrews says “Good- better- best. Never let it rest, until your good is better, and your better best” This is why I relish constructive criticism.
That being said, how a critique is presented and the motivation is key. Here is what I recommend. First there must be a “kinship of mutual kindness” involved. What I mean is the criticism must inherently be said in a tone of “I want to help you grow because I care about you”. Secondly, it should never be given in a time of argument debate or heated discussion. Also one thing that really bothers me and shows a person’s inability to take constructive criticism, is when they feel the need to critique you at the some moment even though the topic is about them. Certainly if you give it you should be able to take it. Often times the person offers their counter-criticism as a defense mechanism of hurt rather than out of a real desire to help you. Last but not least you must be in relationship with someone before you offer that kind of advice. Show you care and people will allow that into there lives. I will share more about this in the future. Bye!
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